you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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