Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
