does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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