We won't sleep together?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
