'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
