There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
