When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
