you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
