if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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