Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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