loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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