...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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