Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
