i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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