Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
