I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
