I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
