your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
