Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i now understand why vodka
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
