I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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