the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
