She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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