Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
