it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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