glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
