Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
