so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize