My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
