I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
