you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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