oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
