guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
