i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
