i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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