If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
