Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
