3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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