you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
