I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
