I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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