he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
