Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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