Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
