He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
