Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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