Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
