Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
