it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
