i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
