Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
