maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He shit in the fireplace
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
