I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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