I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
