There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
