8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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