i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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