Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
vagina is talking i cant
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
