Please, let me fuck your mom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
