I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
