Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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