Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.