I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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