a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers