My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.