I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
