Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president