That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
