there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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