Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo

(810): View more from Michigan

With himself

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(810): I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo (810): With himself http://tfl.nu/5c4h

Replies (1) Good night (925) Bad night (1066)
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(510): View more from California

i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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(510): i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him. http://tfl.nu/wohd

Replies (15) Good night (680) Bad night (4591)
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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav

Replies (28) Good night (8177) Bad night (1309)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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(401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg

Replies (13) Good night (6476) Bad night (2289)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

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(215): There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave... http://tfl.nu/jtzo

Replies (9) Good night (2872) Bad night (2568)
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(708): View more from Illinois

is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?

(1-708): View more from Illinois

head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way

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(708): is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower? (1-708): head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way http://tfl.nu/d98n

Replies (2) Good night (1540) Bad night (656)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"

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(864): I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY" http://tfl.nu/isd1

Replies (7) Good night (1896) Bad night (521)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...

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(970): Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out... http://tfl.nu/zr6z

Replies (3) Good night (930) Bad night (474)
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(816): View more from Missouri

yeah...that's gonna come up in court

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(816): yeah...that's gonna come up in court http://tfl.nu/wily

Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (729)
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(949): View more from California

I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea

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(949): I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea http://tfl.nu/q7zc

Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (1278)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?

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(856): I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life? http://tfl.nu/hhin

Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (676)
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(541): View more from Oregon

He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.

(541): View more from Oregon

Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.

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(541): He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec. (541): Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY. http://tfl.nu/zkog

Replies (4) Good night (364) Bad night (812)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through

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(401): you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through http://tfl.nu/dquz

Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (308)
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(315): View more from New York

I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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(315): I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint. http://tfl.nu/31gg

Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (294)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.

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(832): He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/v57f

Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (387)

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