imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
