Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i now understand why vodka
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
