? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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