I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
