I must be too annoying 4 u.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
