Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
