a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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