New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
