He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
