Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
