why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
