Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
