Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dick very happy bro
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
