You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
